Yahoo and waiting

Yahoo still having problems. Have been waiting in MSN but not getting any responses.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

So I started some of the catching up on March 16, and only just finished it up. We've taken a bit of a break for a while now as I've been having an extremely busy time outside of the sessions. Maybe we could begin again over the weekend if Master Joe wants. My yahoo has also been acting up since last evening. Apparently still not working this morning and don’t know when it’ll start again.

The argument about aftercare was admittedly also my fault this time round. Before leaving, Master Joe asked me if I was disappointed and I was – because I felt I needed more discussion about the session and I wasn’t ready to just wrap up yet – but I told him I was fine. 

Catch up post - March 6, 8 and 11

Now it’s March 16, 2011 and I’m writing up a journal for a session ten days ago. Some things have changed since then. We’ve had yet another argument about the same thing (aftercare). Still wondering why it’s not offered more after sessions.

Session on March 06, 2011

This session, Master Joe informed me that the journal entry last time was too short. I had figured they were getting long and boring so had summarized them.

I started the session having earned -9 for lateness, both at first and when getting ready. He also said he’d think about the punishment for cumming when specifically told not to. I was instructed to get rope, towel, and again bottles of water, along with duct tape and the broom stick.

We did more bondage – I learnt how to make a hangman’s noose. I ended up hands tied to the bed, legs spread with the broomstick rather interestingly tied to my hands. It was intensely humiliating to be exposing myself like that since it left me with my ass pointed towards the cam and spread wide.

One thing that really worked was the mind game Master Joe played with getting me to drink water again. I was a bit scared of how far it would go and ended up using my safeword. I’d been told to drink over a liter of water again, and there was a towel laid on the bed…and I was bursting to pee. I asked several times to be let go and Master Joe refused. Finally, I couldn’t hold it any longer and had absolutely no wish to wet my bed, so had to use the safeword. It was a little disappointing since I try not to use it when I can.

Overall the session was very good. I enjoyed being tied up and the uncertainty of when I’d be released to pee. Being tied up was strange at the time – I usually don’t have much patience and at one time when I was talking to Master Joe, he didn’t have his earphones on so couldn’t hear me. Without the need to pee, I might have waited longer in that uncomfortably exposed position, but at that point I absolutely had to communicate (to beg to pee) and ended up twisting out of the bonds in order to type. I wonder how it would be to be tied up like that and not allowed to speak apart from the safeword…that would be interesting I think. Maybe we could try it sometime without the drinking water bit…might last longer.

Anyway, once I used the safeword to pee, the session was over and we had a talk afterwards that was much appreciated.

Session of March 08, 2011

The next session was similar in that it was also all about exposing myself and humiliation. But worse humiliation than before. This time I was on the floor, ass up towards the cam.

Anyway, so the session was mostly just me on the floor showing him my ass. I hate hate hate doing that. Absolutely hate it. But it also makes me wet…the humiliation and scrutiny. Go figure.

We started off with checking the bruises, sign, shaving, etc. It went fine.

He made me put on my corset, which I like to do sometimes. Waiting to hear what we’d be doing. We’d planned earlier to do the 2-3 hour bondage with the time-lock key but it was too late for that.

I would take this session as a sort of punishment. For while it got me wet – at one point I was dripping and because I had my head on the ground and ass up, the slow slow slooooow dropping of my juice from my cunt to the ground was VERY obvious – it was EXTREMELY embarrassing. The worst part was I could see it from my position on the ground…*cringes* I can still see it now. I think the most memorable part of the session for me was the embarrassment of watching my own juice slowly drip to the ground, and knowing Master Joe was watching. Normally when I find myself getting wet, I discretely wipe it off before Master Joe notices. This time I got no chance to do that but I’m still (naively) hoping he didn’t see it.

Anyway, not content with having me expose myself, Master Joe got the idea of having me spank myself with the wooden spoon. And told me that each stroke was to be hard or else start from the beginning. In a deliciously sadistic twist, he also added that I was to count aloud, and if I counted a soft whack as a hard one, I’d start all over again. Needless to say I was well over the original number of strokes by the time we were done. Several times, what I thought were hard strokes, he thought were mild so made me restart. After a while I actually liked this little game so intentionally miscounted a couple of times. I know it wasn’t a good submissive thing to do but the masochist took over somewhere in the middle J

Once the session was over, we had a long talk about various things. I enjoyed the chat this time round. Learning languages, thoughts on the future, that sort of thing. Master Joe wanted me to try learning German, but that’s impossible. I was literally dragged kicking and screaming through high school French (of which I remember nothing), and managed to claim it for college second language credit. So the last time I even attempted to learn a foreign language was about ten years ago. And it was a pretty unsuccessful attempt!

We also talked of taking risks. And how I’m happy enough taking risks (prancing about naked on a yahoo webcam for example is a risk) as long as they aren’t too big a risk. Small risks usually fulfill my occasional need for adrenaline – skydiving for instance, or any extreme sport, is excellent. Jumping off the fourth storey of a building to see if I break a leg would not be so excellent.

Oh and Master Joe also mentioned wanting gladiator style shows back lol! I’m glad he doesn’t get to make those decisions as I don’t think I would enjoy watching people trying to kill each other. Now if it was gladiatorial style consensual public BDSM sessions…hmm well J

Session of March 11, 2011

This session started off very well. We discussed possibility of inviting a viewer to watch one of the sessions. He’d mentioned it briefly before and though it’s exciting I also want a bunch of extra boundaries during that session. I asked for no penetration, less humiliation than pain, being able to see the guy before he sees me on cam. Master Joe agreed to these requests. Once I see the guy, I’d like to refuse if I see something odd about him. Finally, I’d also like to ask for a warning beforehand saying that in the next session we’d be having a visitor.

This time I’d got the needles and the stapler ready. I knew what the needles were for, but wasn’t so sure about the stapler. Master Joe asked me what I thought it was for – and I said I had no clue. He then suggested stapling my cunt lips together L I wasn’t sure whether or not to believe him. I’m still not sure I do yet…that seems a bit extreme for me. I can’t even pin them with the clothes pins yet so I doubt I’ll EVER be able to staple them. But then again I’d said that about needles before and guess what happened next…

Anyway, we tried the needles. This time it was far less scary than the last but still quite scary. Just the letting go part is very difficult. And watching it sticking in me afterwards. But once it’s done and I’ve removed them from my body, it feels good to have done them. Also knowing it’s being enjoyed helps. There was a little blood and I cleaned off afterwards. I was fussing over the smallest drop of blood… Anyway, it’s still much less scary now than before. Who’d have thought?

As for the stapler, we tried the tits and the navel. Before we fully started, yahoo acted up and I tried briefly by myself to see how it felt while we were setting up the connection again. When we reconnected, Master Joe asked me if I thought I could handle it and I told him I’d just tried already and I could. It seemed to piss him off a little. Told me that I was to follow what he said and nothing else.

By then I’m sure Master Joe knew that after that threat of the pussy, breasts and navel would seem easy as pie. And it wasn’t so bad. Not like the needles. It was hard to do the navel. Not mentally, just physically it was hard to grasp the skin and it only half worked there. We also tried the cunt…or rather the mound, not the pussy itself. That was more painful than the breasts. The breasts were hardly noticeable. They worked the best and it was easy to get the staple all the way in. I can just see this building up to a line of little staples somewhere. Hmm…but maybe I shouldn’t be giving anyone any ideas.

Towards the end, he offered to reduce 100 minus points if I stapled my cunt lips. And I refused. As it is, I’m not sure I like bargaining for points…and besides not even reducing ALL the minus points to 0, then giving me a 100 plus points would have made me staple my cunt lips. They’re sure to bleed and hurt like a bitch. I’m surprised Master Joe even asked me to do it so soon but I can say right now that it’s not happening. Not at all. At least not in the near future J

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Tuesday’s session was brilliant. Even though we did candles again, we tried a different thing – closed eyes. This gave the wax a whole different feel…just not knowing when it was going to fall made a big difference and in a very good way.

One thing I didn’t really like was the broomstick. Apart from it being humiliating to have a broomstick stuck up my cunt, it was also uncomfortable after a while – mostly because of the way it was tied to my legs. I was glad to at least have the condom on so it wasn’t unhygienic.

I’ve said more than enough about the wonders of wax before. This time the most painful bits were the spaces in my inner thigh, right next to my mound. That crease was worse than the clit. But it was still excellent pain.

One of the best things about the whole session was when I was told to keep dripping wax…not just pour and stop but to keep dripping, even if little drops on my stomach. I wanted to do that all over again when it was over…the slow and unpredictable buildup of pain was great.

The toothpicks were also a good addition. They felt a bit painful at the start of the session but when the wax was going full flow, they pierced my skin without me even noticing.

Oh I was also told that from now on each time I cum is -5. Which sucks.

Yesterday’s session had a different vibe. For some reason Master Joe was in a rather odd mood. I was given a lot of freedom to do what I wished, and it didn’t really feel like I was following orders. But I later realized that I ended up with a lot of minuses because apparently I was getting complacent. It only felt like the session was unstructured when maybe it wasn’t. Anyway, this time I was pushing quite often – waiting until Master Joe repeated himself before doing what I was told, etc. Still, I guess I’ll pay for that little game when we count up the minuses.

Oh one of the good bits was watching Master Joe mentally debate with himself about whether or not to make me crawl when I asked him how I was going to walk with my legs tied. As predicted, after thinking for a minute, he told me to crawl J

Also, later on when I said that I prefer not to be called names, but it was up to him… ‘I know, slut,’ was a hilarious response. I didn’t think Master Joe could be mean and funny at the same time!

I was also told not to cum after the session – this time because I’d been allowed to cum during the session but I didn’t want to…or rather couldn’t. But obviously I was so hot that I came right after. I hope the consequence for that isn't too bad. 

Sunday, February 27, 2011

I started off with some reservations but they were gone by the end and I was so turned on that I came right afterwards.

I asked Master Joe to help get me in a submissive mood, and he did an excellent job so I thank him for that. The breath control was interesting. We later talked about going a bit further. The whole unconsciousness idea is intriguing. I’d be ready to try this on the bed… maybe next time we could see what happens.

The talk was also what I was looking for and is much appreciated. Master Joe brought up something I’d been wanting to ask. He’s said he’ll try to see if there’s some way we can work Pete into the schedule, which is great. I’ve not seen him for a while and the last time I was supposed to, I was having my periods so didn’t. If not this week, sometime next week would also be good.

I’m glad this session was mild because I really needed one at the time. I have only good things to say about it.

Piss Session

I spent some time at night working late and ran into Master Joe online. We had a short talk about where things would be a year from now which I’ve not thought about, increasing levels of intensity, how getting addicted to the sessions could be a good thing…

I have noticed that I’ve been more receptive to orders. That was after that one punishment session when I asked for time to think. I said then that I’d be more compliant and see how that would be and I’m glad that Master Joe has noticed my efforts, which makes me want to try even harder. Also, the training must be working and as of now, I am happy enough to just take it one session at a time and see where it goes.

Finally, with regards to healing, I would like to try meeting every alternate week, perhaps? That would be a week of sessions and a week of healing in between. Maybe we could try this for a while and see how it works. I already have a feeling I’ll soon be asking for more sessions again, but I’d like to try if Master Joe thinks it’s a good idea.

The session:

I did appreciate the fact that Master Joe let me take off the rope from my neck without me asking when he noticed it got too tight. I also liked how the rope looked but am afraid of rope burns on the neck, so asked not to do it again until we have a better one.

I wasn’t sure if I could piss but I wanted to, so when offered the choice between bed and kneeling, I intentionally chose kneeling to get in a proper headspace and be able to do it. Would not have worked on the bed.

The process of building up the piss worked well. Master Joe was good at not spooking me, and there were many things that worked well. Letting me sit on the bed…getting me to drink on my own instead of really forcing me to drink…all that was very well done. I wasn’t tempted to use my safeword throughout, or even to ask to slow down.

The response after pissing wasn’t what I was expecting at all and we’ve talked about this already. Normally I’d be looking forward to next session but after this time I didn’t even want to think about the next one.

Friday, February 25, 2011

The last session was all about the bamboo. It took a while to get the technique correct…but we did enough that session that by the end, I was getting better at it. It’s still difficult to aim right though…especially on the ass and tits.

I enjoyed the session. I was very wet at times…at one point I was close to cumming – which has only happened before during our teasing session. At other times I was turned on but not too wet. Several times earlier in the session, I tried to wipe myself off so Master Joe wouldn’t notice…but he did anyway later on. That was a bit embarrassing…

The session itself was good though I was over the time given for getting ready and started off with a -2. I don’t understand why it went from -1 to -2 though. Not complaining, just want to know why so I can maybe avoid it next time.

I was kind of in nadu position when greeting Master Joe, since I thought he wouldn’t really mind – that was still kneeling, after all. But I guess he did, cause he made me get in the tower position as soon as he saw me. I’ll try to remember that next time.

Master Joe didn’t have much time so he said we’d be giving the canes a short test. Lol…if that was a short test, I don’t think I want to know what a harsh session with the cane will be like! Afterwards, my thighs were hot, welted and swollen. The right one was bruised. My ass was also in pain but not so much. Even walking was painful on the thighs…or movement of any kind. I put on really light cotton pajama bottoms afterwards and it was painful even when they touched the welts. But that was only right after the session…it got much better later but the pain never completely went away. This is a different kind of pain to the ones I’ve had so far. I’m still sore this morning. I never thought such a thin cane could be so interesting.

While beating the thighs, the pain was more of a stinging sudden pain. But the marks afterwards were different kind of pain…like very very sore and tender skin that doesn’t even like being touched. I liked the heat that came off the beaten spots…

We also went through a series of teasing combined with beating…with the beating, it was mostly just trying out several different spots this session. One of the best parts of the session for me was kneeling with the stick in my mouth and playing with my clit. That got me extremely turned on. I have no idea how many beats we did in total but by the end it felt like quite a lot. Though I enjoyed the cane, I think depending on the number of strokes, it can easily become an instrument of punishment. This time we stayed within an enjoyable pain level so it was good.

The session was also good for my knees since I was required to get up for part of it. Getting the ass right needed a standing position and a shorter stick next time, I think. Even if I held it short, the extra portion of the stick got in the way.

Towards the end, Master Joe again wanted to see my face. Lately, he’s been demanding that more for some reason. I really don’t like showing my face…and this time got into trouble for it. I got a -10 for not showing my eyes. I deserved that since I had been warned already. But I was just hoping he’d let me get away with just the lower face again like he has before. Now I know better.

Then I got another -10. I had got in position – I should really give it a name: facing my ass to him and with my head on the ground exposing myself – as asked but not long enough I suppose. I ended up with a -22 this session. Is the face really such a big deal that I deserve -20 for it? I didn’t think I was that bad overall this session…

I think the spoon bruise on ass, tacks, tits, rubber band on inner thighs and cane marks are close to my limit for marks. I know I said my body looking used was fine but that was before I saw the cane marks properly – they are rather large and obvious. And though the welts disappeared rather fast as well, I hope we can let some bruises heal before making too many new ones. Some marks are very much appreciated but too many would not be very nice.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

This was a massively long session. Over 4 hours I think. I was surprised at myself for I had planned to do only about 2 hours, and do some work that night. I think Master Joe was up well into the night. We started off rather funny since he wanted to send me to a Thai massage place for a special massage…I think likes the idea of me doing tasks for him far too much J

Initially the session involved a bunch of things that Master Joe wanted that I didn’t have or didn’t want to use. Clothes generally fall under this category or anything of mine that’s a bit too personal for sessions.

We again did some breast bondage. And candles…which we’ve done quite regularly now. Not that I’m complaining! I still love them so far and could do them daily but then they’d just not be very unique or fresh.

We went over some old stuff this time – clothes pins, chopsticks, candles, bondage, rubber bands, syringes. Even though none of it was new, there was enough variety to be fun. We tried some new stuff with the chopsticks…which I think was the best part of the session. Mainly because we pushed pain levels a little bit here. I’d never actually clamped my nipples and twisted them so much…or for so long before. The rubber bands were also nice. Bondage was the same as a lot of times before – a little frustrating to do but very nice when done.

The things that stick to mind for this session are the enlarged nipples…after the syringe. I was still a little worried about them, and glad when they went back to absolute normal! Clamping them after that was even more painful than normal clamping…I think the syringes are good if used for a minute or so, like we did this session.

Also the knives…were fine but not too interesting since their main point would be to draw blood and I didn’t want the kitchen knives to do that. They’ve been used for cutting up meat and such things so were a bit gross.

Bit sore at the knees today though I hardly noticed during the session. The mat helps…but might ask to stretch more often in future.

There was one time when Master Joe asked me if I wanted to reset my total of collected points. This was after I asked him what he wanted to do with them. I thought he was asking if I wanted to reset it for free. And I wasn’t sure I did because if I did reset for free, I’d never know what the punishment would have been. Turns out that he was just asking if I wanted to take my punishment now and THEN reset it… and no surprise that the punishment was the tack paddle.

Although this time he was nice and let me also use the rubber band. A mixture of both. He also gave me a choice about where and how many…but I asked him to decide instead. We ended up with 80 with the tacks on outer and 56 with the rubber band on inner thighs. This was bearable and only the blood was challenging, not the pain. Still there was some time I hesitated before doing it – it was already late and I was thinking of postponing the punishment till next time. But Master Joe must have realized this since he added that the offer of reset was only going to be valid for the day. So I took it obviously – I knew that chances were high that the number would have increased by next time so didn’t want to risk it.

After that we spent some time just chatting. I was asked to learn some German…but I’m terrible at languages so probably won’t really happen. Other than some things, we mostly talked about things relating to the sessions or tasks, which was good. I was asked to show my face – something I don’t like to do – and tried several times to lower the cam. Master Joe didn’t like that and he gave me -5 for it, but it was still better than having to show my face the whole time. At one point he threatened to make it -10 or to make me show him my ass with cheeks spread if I didn’t show him my face – he knows I hate exposing my ass even more than my face. And I’m glad he was just threatening, not really serious.

We just chatted in general after that until one point when I lowered the cam again towards the end…I thought we were done and told him so. He then told me that I was there to react, not think…sarcasm, being scolded verbally seems to turn me on a little. But it has to be justified, of course. Otherwise it would just be name calling...which isn’t fun at all. Overall I enjoyed it so much I stuck around much longer than planned.

Monday, February 21, 2011 8:33 AM (started):

This session was a short one. I was given 3 mins to get ready as usual, and noticed later that I took an extra minute. Wasn’t mentioned so I guess Master Joe didn’t mind. I was a bit worried when he mentioned my ass…it’s still a limit on the list and I thought we’d be going over old grounds again. But happily, when I reminded him that it was off limits for now, Master Joe dropped the subject. Ass play’s still mega humiliating for me and I’m not quite ready for that yet.

I’m on my periods so my cunt was also left alone as requested, which didn’t leave much choice but to return to my tits. There was one thing left on the list that we hadn’t used yet – the chopsticks. I had figured it would be the same as the pens, but this time we tried clamping the whole tits instead of just the nipples. It worked on my left one but not my right. I think the initial idea had been to use the rubber bands only on one side and snap the chopsticks against my nipples but they didn’t snap so well. Might have been interesting if they had worked…more painful but also more interesting.

We moved on to my ass next. Again I was a bit nervous what would be done to it but we stuck to just the beatings. 50 on each side. I chose the upper thigh area instead of the actual ass since I figured if I was told to beat too hard and had to sit on it, it wouldn’t be much fun. Anyway, they were easy enough to take, though towards the end it was getting painful enough that I might not have been able to keep silent much longer.

This sort of thing is easier since it’s not mentally challenging…just physically and I’m happy that this time we didn’t do anything mentally challenging – or scary as I like to call it – because I’d not been feeling too well. About a minute later, the pain at my ass had gone down to barely noticeable. I wonder what it would be like to have the whole ass stinging though…spanked till I’m crying for instance or begging…

I was then given the choice between 20 more without or 5 with the tacks. I think at this point I wanted to keep going with the ass spanking so I chose the 20, but at any other time I might have chosen the tacks. The tacks are scary when there’s a lot of blood…but a few whacks are not so bad. Especially on the ass or thighs…5 whacks on the ass is nothing but 5 whacks on the tits is a bigger thing…still not quite so scary as 40. If that makes any sense at all!

I also noticed later that I missed the part where Master Joe told me to bend over and get on with it. I did the beating facing the side instead, and since he said nothing, I didn’t even notice that I had not bent over as he wanted me to.

The tits also took some whacks from the chopsticks that day. This wasn’t so bad since I didn’t quite do the beats as hard as I could have. Maybe only 3 or 4 out of 10 whacks each were really strong ones – and it was hard to aim right and get them to land on my nipples as requested. When they did land good the few times, it was very nice pain. Sharp and not too much – kinda like the wax. Wonder how ten of those would have felt like if all had landed on the nipples…

We then went through a series of quick tit tortures. The slapping, more whacks with the chopsticks on the nipples, and the pinching…then finally the pinching between the chopsticks until they met on both sides. These were all nice pain and left my nipples nicely sore.

I think the best parts for me were the ass beatings and the nipple beating with the chopsticks and squeezing them between the sticks until the sides met on both sides. I also like how Master Joe can sometimes be sarcastic – when I asked whether it would be possible for him to change my masturbation rule form being allowed to cum within the subsequent 3 hours after our session to sometime later at night when I would be going to bed, he replied that it was possible…but not his intent and told me to go to bed earlier. That was funny but I’ve learnt that Master Joe can be mean when needed so am less tempted to push him these days. Well…I’m still tempted but I don’t do it as much. So I didn’t argue.

Later on when I emailed Master Joe my meal plan, I also attached a pic of the nice bruise the ass beating had left…I was enjoying the bruise so figured he would too. I was surprised and pleased at receiving a reply saying he liked it so much he was granting me 10 extra points for the tasks list.

Sunday, February 20, 2011 8:39 AM

The last session involved mainly tit bondage and a bit of torture. And a big humiliation at the end, when I was made to fuck myself with the spoon we used to beat my bound tits with. The session was nice for the most part. Master Joe told me he would be a little late and sent me a message telling me to practice the tit bondage while I waited, which I did.

When he came on, he allowed me to stay on the bed this time. I wasn’t sure if I was happy about that or disappointed! I was still required to don the usual collar, which was good. We discussed the task list and I was told that even a delayed journal gets me -5, reminded me of the gloves and electric cord, etc.

The best part of the session was the tit and cunt slapping. I was a bit wary of hitting too hard since they were already bound, but I could still feel the beats. The scratching with the tack paddle also worked much better than on unbound tits, but again I was trying not to draw blood so didn’t do it very hard. The beats with the tack were also okay – just five. In fact I would even say it was enjoyable…compared to the first time when I started dripping with blood…although I didn’t hit as hard as I did before. Maybe next time…

The tacks on the thighs were good. Could possibly have done more? I don’t know.

The worst part about the session was the spoon fucking. It was humiliating, and considering a few sessions ago, I couldn’t even bring myself to properly bend over, it was a big humiliation. But once I got down and did it, the act of fucking myself wasn’t so bad…and I even think it could have been a fun humiliation if I hadn’t been worried about how disgustingly unhygienic the wooden spoon in my cunt was! I’m sure the wood had tons of stuff on it…and with my periods starting at the same time, it felt even worse afterwards. Next time, I’ll make sure I have some condoms nearby to use on things like the spoon.

Yuck, even thinking about what came next makes me cringe in disgust. Master Joe wanted me to lick the spoon. I managed to lick it once and very quickly. But that wasn’t enough since I was told to then suck it…get my lips around it. So I did. I was dying to complain at this point but knew Master Joe wouldn’t like that. I did make sure that I absolutely did not touch the spoon with my tongue, though. Even when I was told to fuck my mouth with it…my tongue was not going anywhere near that thing. But I could still taste my cunt on my lips. Partly that excites me a little but mostly I’m grossed out. Or it could be I’m mostly excited and a little grossed out – I’ve not quite figured that out yet J

We ended up talking about things other than the session, which was very interesting…still talking about our sessions, tasks, etc is more fun!

Wednesday’s session

This time we played with candles. As I’ve said before, even the thought of candles gets me excited so it was easy enough to obey whatever was asked of me. The last two sessions have both been very enjoyable and not too much of a challenge regarding pain and stuff like blood and needles. They have been more focused on humiliation, especially with the panties…and I’ve discovered I’m into a little bit of basic humiliation.

This time we also had toothpicks. The first one went across my pussy lips and since I was already quite wet, it was hard to get it to stay, but managed. Two went under my thighs, and one more upwards on my pussy from below. The ones in my pussy were uncomfortable but the thighs were okay after the initial sharp pain. It took a while to get my legs fully down on the ground as requested, and after that, I didn’t even notice them. I was surprised when the next day Master Joe asked me what I thought and I checked to find some small wounds and scratches. I hadn’t expected the toothpicks to pierce the skin at all!

I’d been ordered to light the candles…which I did…in fact, I had more than one lit but we did not have much time that day and we were only able to do one. We moved from belly to cunt and tits. I was writhing in pain and even at one point grinding my legs into the ground and the picks. There is a short time right after the initial pain of the wax, where I am incredibly turned on and reactive. It’s hard to explain…but the pain of the wax makes me want to push right back for more... I was even disappointed we weren’t doing more wax. Though I like the pain of the rubber bands or flat paddle, for example, I’m hardly ever disappointed if Master Joe decides to stop! But the candles…well I could go on about how great they are for pages...

In the middle of this, I was told to suck my clit out with a syringe. I tried it and it worked well as a teasing device cause I couldn’t actually touch my clit after that, but could still play with the syringe. We then continued waxing after until the candle was done. This was followed by scraping the wax off, which was also good this time. Especially on the stomach where a large amount of wax had accumulated and the skin was a little tender. Scratching with the toothpicks on the sensitive skin was more fun than on normal skin.

We ended with a little of the rubber bands, which was also nice – even though the ones on the clit hurt when doing it, the after pain was good. And again, we had a discussion about the session afterwards, which is much appreciated since I know it’s usually late when we finish.

I was allowed to cum after this session. That was nice, and my cunt was still a bit store and tender after the wax and the rubber bands so rubbing it and playing with it felt good…with just the right amount of pain. I came soon after the session, and again later at night before sleep.

I met Master Joe again online before work. Unfortunately it was too early and I was a bit slow because I forgot to mention my bra and panties when asked what I would be wearing to work. Usually I don’t forget, and he was strict about it, making me go to work without underwear. I was glad to be allowed to tape my breasts because I didn’t want anyone to notice I was without a bra. I only used one layer of tape to hide my nipples, and they worked well enough though I had to check on them once in a while during work. Not a very pleasant experience since it was punishment for insufficient answers, but it’ll definitely remind me to think twice before answering any questions he asks!

Thursday, February 17th, 2011 6:30 AM

Tuesday’s session was a very enjoyable session for me. What was especially excellent, apart from the session, was that we did a bit of after session talk regarding the session. That worked very well for me, and I hope we continue it in future especially during harder sessions.

We did some tease and denial and Master Joe was very good at getting me hot and stopping me…building up the excitement. I had assumed I’d be naked so when I got home, didn’t even bother putting on any underwear. But our session involved panties…very much so.

I was already a little wet – the expectation and the kneeling, orders, usually does that to me at the beginning of a session. There was a small wet patch on the panties, which I was hoping Master Joe wouldn’t notice. Anyway, we quickly moved beyond a small patch when I was told to play with my pussy…though only with my flat hand. As I did this, I was very tempted to move my fingers and play better – but Master Joe noticed immediately and stopped that.

In between, I was often told to show my pussy to Master Joe…somehow that would usually get me all embarrassed but at the time, it got me excited. Just having to ‘present’ when ordered...

I finally got some little relief when I was told to pull up my panties into my slit and move it left to right. I was practically humping the panties by now! And when I was allowed to touch my cunt within my panties, I couldn’t help trying to slip a finger into my cunt…but again Master Joe either noticed, or guessed (!) and I was told to just use my flat hand.

Then I was allowed to take off my panties…and I was a bit relieved before I realized what was coming next – gagging myself with my panties…which were already wet at the crotch. Yuck! I hesitated here since the thought of it was absolutely ick. But eventually, after folding the panties in a way that the wet part would not touch my tongue, I managed.

The stopping and the starting got me VERY hot…as we next moved to stimulating my clit. Again with restrictions that meant I could not go as fast or as good as I liked – which unfortunately got me even hotter...

By the end, I was drooling cause the panties in my mouth were wet through, and couldn’t stop touching myself. One of the best parts was when I was told to kneel all the way with my head down to the floor and play with myself. Even the thought of that now gets me hot and I wouldn’t have thought I’d normally enjoy that!

The fact that I was told stop and I was so hot that I kept playing with my cunt until Master Joe again told me to stop touching myself… having to stop even when I really wanted to go on…got me even hotter. The best and the worst part of teasing is that once started, and wet, if I get told to stop, I get even hotter – I want to keep going, and knowing that I can’t excites me even more!

But though I was allowed to keep going until I could cum, the thought of the camera and just cumming for someone…letting go and being in the throes of an orgasm…well that was something I couldn’t bring myself to do. So even though I was allowed to, I chose not to…kinda hoping I could after the session. But was refused…I guess I deserved that since I’d been given the chance to cum during the session already.

We then did some clothespins…and getting them on was not so bad…getting them off…especially knowing I HAD to do it as soon as Master Joe told me too instead of taking my time…while playing with my pussy…that got me the feeling of being out of control properly, as if I wasn’t doing this to myself and it was brilliant. Though of course I was grunting in pain when I took them off!

I was also made to put on my panties that came from my mouth and were dripping – literally dripping – with my drool. Disgusting! Thankfully, after having put them on after a longgggg think, I was immediately allowed to take them off. Though doing it was yucky beyond description, now that it’s over, I quite like the thought of having made to do it…

After the session, though I was absolutely utterly dying to cum, I put away the computer and went to get dinner…did some work and forced myself to stay clean and PG 13 when surfing the net later at night! The next morning, I was not so good.

Note

Master Joe and I had a little discussion about how the sessions were going. Master Joe felt I wasn't doing a good job of just complying without discussion. He had a point and I agreed to work on this. For my part, I felt I was pushed too hard too fast in the last session. Master Joe is generally good with going slow and not spooking me too fast.

Sunday, February 13, 2011 7:45 PM

The last session, I was punished for failing to address Master Joe properly, cumming extra, and for allowing the sign to fade.

A total of 200 swats with the tacks. This was a massive move up from the number of swats I’d been previously used to. The thought of 200 swats itself was scarier than the actual event. I realized that it wasn’t as bad as I’d thought in the end, the pain was surprisingly good…the blood was awful. What got to me the most was when the spots started to bleed, and I still had to keep swatting. I found that very hard to do.

We moved on to needles next. Blood and needles are both scary for me and I was really surprised they were used one after the other. I was tempted to use yellow already here, but I try to avoid safe words if possible so I asked Master Joe to consider using needles in our next session instead. It was impossibly hard to let go of the rubber band, knowing the needle would pierce the skin and not knowing how much of it would pierce the skin. I finally managed but things like blood and needles are mentally exhausting so to follow that with the chili lotion just made me tired and unresponsive. I was happy when finally told I could stop, and immediately went to wash off my pussy.

I’d been told the session would end in 10 minutes and it had been over that time already. So when I returned, I naturally thought we were done. Instead of aftercare, Master Joe informed me that he had not been able to cum yet, and so wanted me to play with my pussy until he did.

That was the point where I refused, and when I did, I was dismissed without further conversation. After having beaten myself on several bleeding spots, and used the needle, plus the lotion, this sort of dismissal was really very disappointing and made me question the effort I put in to these sessions.

Regarding using safe words:

If I use them so easily, what’s the point? The sessions would be in my control then.

Monday, February 07, 2011, 7:45 AM

Master Joe was more demanding of me answering his questions. At one point he asked me what I thought a bottle could be used for. I had assumed it was for my cunt…but I wasn’t sure. It could have been for something completely different and I didn’t want him to use it for my cunt if that wasn’t what he was thinking. So I didn’t answer. Apparently that isn’t allowed and I was punished for it. My right tit felt it today – both with the flat side and the tacks.

The bottle was for my ass. When I first answered the BDSM list, I was thinking of an actual plug designed for the purpose of putting it up asses, not a bottle. I did not want to do it at all, and couldn’t bring myself to. I was then told I did not trust Master Joe enough.

Saturday, February 05, 2011 8:45 AM

We did some rope play this time. I had not expected that so had not prepared the broom – I’d thought it would be used next day. Master Joe made me get it anyway, and I managed to clean it real quickly while being sent to get it.

The stick made a big difference to how I knelt. It didn’t allow me to relax even a little, and though the rope took time, it was worth it. I was trying at times to move around a little – both to get some weight off my knees and to feel the rope in my cunt, but it was near impossible. The whole process of being bound is time consuming, and not one of my favorite things – but once done, I can’t deny that it worked to retain posture. By the end, though, I was struggling to stay on my knees. And it really hurt when getting off them as well.

We then did some tit slapping – the flat side of the spatula was fine. The tacks were...interesting. I chose the five, knowing it would hurt more but would be quick. I didn’t know it would end up in bleeding. I guess since the tits were bound tight, even a small prick would end up in bleeding. Once the blood started, I was a bit scared. Not because it hurt or anything – in fact I could hardly feel it – but just that my tit was bleeding. I stopped at 3, and only later realized that Master Joe had been telling me to do the remaining two. I didn’t.

It was good of Master Joe to allow me to stop, since blood is one of my extreme soft limits. I think maybe with a bit of work, we can probably do more at some point but since this was one of the first times with blood, it’s still a bit yuk. The 30 swats to my tits, combined with the 60 later on as punishment, ended up in a bit of bruising. After the session, the left one was more tender even though the right had been the one that bled.

The blood made me so uneasy that when we did wax play afterwards, I concentrated on my left tit whenever I could. The candles were brilliant – just the right amount of fear, expectation, pain and the after effects of the pain. That went straight to my cunt.

My favorites were the wax play, the rubber bands and the kneeling right at the beginning. I think the beginning is always about a bit of anticipation...the not knowing what’s coming up – that gets me excited. The swats were good too when there was no blood.

At one point Master Joe asked me if I could do 30 more swats after having done 30 already. I didn’t answer. Then he suddenly raised it to 50. He obviously doesn’t like it when I don’t answer his questions. I had been expecting a warning so the sudden rise was surprising...but I was still hoping he’d change his mind...eventually ended up with 60 for debating. I hadn’t expected that either and it was good to know that Master Joe is not as easy as he seems. Thinking back on it, I did practically debate each and every task set. I guess I need to work on that.

Finally, we did some minor knife experiments. I think the sight of the massive knife near my poor (already abused) nipple was a bit intimidating since when I was looking at it, it was a lot scarier than when I had my eyes closed. With my eyes closed, it felt like any other toy.

Overall I think I wasn’t trying as hard as I could, and that still seemed enough for Master Joe. I was allowed to push at the rules and orders he gave, which I did a lot, mostly inadvertently. The only time I was made to stop and think was when he increased the swats from 30 to 60...that made me stop pushing for a bit.

Towards the end, I was told to play with myself on cam... I sort of debated that also and he let me off. I did like it when he said that he wanted to enjoy it – as if whether or not I enjoyed playing was irrelevant, but as I’ve said, I’m not comfortable with playing with myself on cam, and he didn’t insist.